


The LotR we have been spared

by queefqueen



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Arwen, Feminine Arwen, Gap Filler, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 16:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2199456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queefqueen/pseuds/queefqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The original idea for the movie trilogy envisaged a much greater role for Arwen and Eowyn. Sadly PJ backed down to the hysteria of fuddy duddies after the Fellowship of the Ring and Arwen was NOT at Helmsdeep, for instance. My desire is to write a fic making Arwen a 3D character and striking a balance between a BAMF and her gentle feminine side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The LotR we have been spared

Ford on Bruinen  
Arwen held the wraiths in her unwavering gaze. With her mothering instinct she gently cradled the half-conscious Frodo Baggins in the crook of her arm. Holding him in the breast feeding position came naturally to her. She drew her sword and raised the fell steel above her head.  
"Eat shit and die, motherfuckers!" - her crimson lips bellowed the battle cry of the Galadhrim she had learned at her mother's knee.  
Once the Nine forced their mounts into the water she closed her eyes and focused. The manipulation of all that dripped, dropped or dribbled was the domain of female spellweavers. Drawing upon her powers Arwen multiplied the discharge of the river and douched the Nazgul downriver. Seeing the river clean again she patted the destrier on his neck and murmured:  
"Noro lim Asphaloth, noro lim", appealing to the stolen horse to bear her and the Fading Ringbearer into the welcoming womb of Imladris.  
"I will braid silken ribbons into your mane", she added as further motivation.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hornburg  
Disgusted by the sight of Uruk bodies sprawled in random clumps around the Deeping Wall, Arwen and her warriors set upon arranging them in eye pleasing patterns.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dunharrow  
The alpha female instinct of the Evenstar dismissed the Eorling as no threat to her top bitch status. Nonetheless, to save the silly girl from needless harm Arwen took Eowyn by the arm and - smiling at Aragorn - whispered into the pink, mannishly rounded shell of the Shieldmaiden's ear:  
"He's mine, penneth. You keep your legs together around him and I won't rip your cuntflaps off. Are we in agreement, mellon nin?"

Seeing defiance in the Rohirr's eyes she added a further warning, translating a Quenya idiom into Westron:

"And no offers of tonsil massage either".

Luthien re-born smirked at the floozy's disappointment at the elimination of this loophole.


End file.
